Why would he cheat on you? Part III (Draft for discussion) – for wives

When we came up with the article entitled ‘Do’s and Don’ts before Marriage’ barely had we thought that it would have such a success. Our article regarding the ‘Changing Roles of Women in the Mauritian Society’ is also one of articles still receiving regular visits and is turning out to be a reference when it comes to analyzing the Mauritian society especially for students of Higher School Certificate. Thereafter we came up with two articles with the above title ‘Why would he cheat on you’ Part I (prior to engagement) and II (after engagement) Though what we may have been stating the obvious for some of our readers,  for many this has been an eye opener especially for those who are new to the relationship issues.

In this article, we will proceed with a scenario approach whereby some of the main reasons leading to a husband cheating his wife despite the fact that he is sacredly bonded to her.  Of course, it is impossible to cover all scenarios.

Scenario 1: Love marriage

Cesar (Fictitious name) has been entertaining a relationship for some two years now with Cleopatra (Fictitious name) and both are aged around 27. They, however, have not lived together and everything has been a merry love relationship, without any major issue. They just felt to be made one for the other. So they went for marriage, a nice bombastic one and started living together in a new house. What has to be mentioned here is that Cleopatra works as air hostess whilst Cesar is a public officer, working from 9 am-4 pm. After a year or two, some issues arise:

Cleopatra  is most of the time abroad, she does not have time for Cesar. Cesar who had been living with the hope of building a nice family with 3 children soon realizes that his wife gives more importance to her career than to him while prior to marriage, they had agreed that it would be necessary that Cleopatra would have to look for a job that would not entail being abroad often. However, after marriage,  Cleopatra refused to relinquish all the privileges she had as air hostess, and always kept on rejecting the idea of changing jos on account of other jobs being proposed to her being less well paid with little fringe and little career prospects.

Cesar was at a loss. What to do? His dreams about a happy married life was turning out to be a nightmare, as he was relegated to the role of the ‘househusband’ and the moreso with most of the time being without his wife.  The thirst for affection and love was growing without his wife being able to quench it. One day, while he was attending a workshop in the context of his work, he came across a Penelope ( fictitious name) a very nice woman who was single. At the beginning, the relationship was purely professional but little by little they got to know each other more and more. They both started having feelings for each other and during one of those long absences of Cleopatra ‘ce qui devait arriver arriva’.

This scenario though simplistic is meant to characterize two things:

• What had been agreed prior to marriage should be respected
• Not knowing enough the character of your partner (selfish or not) can lead to many issues
• Not providing the love and affection which is needed in a relationship may well lead to a break up

Scenario 2: Arranged Marriage

Arranged marriage is not dead despite the fact the trend is for love marriage. Arranged marriage has its pros and its cons. However, arranged marriage has a major issue. Very often, the partners do not know each other enough prior to marriage. They just accept to get married for two main reasons: they have full trust in the Indian or other astrology and secondly they want their parents to be happy. The issue is that though the family background of the guy may seem to excellent, that of the person directly concerned remains an unknown. If time is not allowed for a thorough mutual discovery of each partner, it should not be a surprise that the guy may turn out to be a cheat.  The issue arises especially when the girl is desperately looking for someone as the age factor is not in her favour once the age of 30 is nearing or already elapsed. Then basically any Tom or Jerry who may be leading a promiscuous life becomes a potential hubby. And when we speak of arranged marriage, this usually concerns very conservative families where divorce is not an option.

Scenario 3: Love withers with time and physical appearance does matter

Marriage is not an end in itself. Once the hustle and bustle of the marriage ceremony is over, this is the beginning of a new life with daunting challenges. Husband and wife should ideally at inception share a common goal and common objectives. The husband marries a woman who at the beginning has in his eyes an attractive appearance. But the woman once married, does not give much importance to her appearance as for her ‘le plus dur est fait’. So she puts up weight with the belief that her hubby is a fixed asset. Husbands are not blind persons and do look around and if confronted with the possibility of dating a beautiful lady and if the latter is pressing for it, the resistance to such temptations will depend on the real love he has for his wife as well as his ethics. For husbands upholding high levels of ethics and feeling duty bound not to betray his wife and being in love with the character of his wife, the question does not arise. However, if the relationship was based on the flimsy ground of attraction, and that ethical standards are quite low on the hubby’s side, it should be no surprise that cheating will be on the agenda at some point in time.

 Conclusion :

What has been discussed above are basically a few reasons leading to cheating taking place on the part of the husband though it could also apply to the wife. Divorce being easier and women being more and more independent. A marriage should be built on very strong foundations of love,  good understanding of each other, compromise, mature thinking and ability to mingle with the in-laws. Getting married for the sake of saying that one has a ring in his/her hand is pointless.

Note:

This article is based on personal opinions and observations and have no scientific basis. These pertain to the Mauritian reality and should be read half seriously.