eSyndiCat Directory v2.3.05

The Dos and Donts before marriage (For girls) or some truths about how men think (Men and Women Psychology)

Mon, 28 Feb 2011 19:02:01 GMT

The Do’s and Don’ts before marriage (For girls) or some truths about how men think or their psychology

You may also join us on facebook to keep in touch on our account Bouzermaurice Mauritius Mauricio

NOTE:

1. These pieces of advice are based on personal opinions and observations and have no scientific basis. These pertain to the Mauritian reality and should be read half seriously. However, though this may appear to be basic information, many girls still do make these mistakes...

2. This topic is a broad one and would require writing a book like Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus (1992) by John Gray. It can by no means be exhaustive and may appear to be simplistic to a few. But things are put here in a very direct and clear way. Who knows a book may one day follow...

Basic facts

NEVER sleep with the boyfriend you feel is made for you (i.e the one who you will ultimately marry) before marriage.Guys very often lose interest in a girl once this step is made. This is in fact a common mistake which more and more girls do make in Mauritius. When going out with a guy allow yourself some time to assess the degree of seriousness of the relation especially when you start to have strong feeling for a guy who might just be there to use you.
However simple this may seem to be, the second thing to bear in mind is that the perfect man does not exist and the idea is to find the most suitable guy.
In relationships, most guys think with their mind while girls go through their heart to take decisions. This stereotype, so true, has several implications including misunderstandings in the couple.
Do not be glued to your boyfriend or raise doubts unnecessarily against him especially if you do not have a clear cut and tangible evidence. He may backpedal especially when he is not at fault. Though girls do seek to have some form of control over their boyfriend, men think differently and do not always show how attached they are until and unless they are sure to go till the end. Therefore girls should be patient on this count.
Guys do not enjoy to be pestered every now and then but girls require attention and receiving a text or two as a minimum is a way to show that they are being cared for. In fact, girls place much more importance on the regular attention than one off very expensive gifts, trips or whatever major expenditure.

Experience counts

Prior to marriage, many a man do not feel bonded and very rarely they limit themselves to one option. This is a sad but unfortunate truth. Of course, the 'many a man' does not mean that all men are the same. There are exceptions. It has to be underlined here that the degree to which a guy feels bonded to a girl will depend to a large extent on his previous relationships. If the guy is only at his first, second or third relationship, he is vulnerable and may find himself being manipulated if he is not careful. The same applies for a girl who is new to the love and affair game. Going out with someone who is much more mature than yourself in relationships has both inherent advantages and risks which have to be considered carefully.

If he/she says I love you does not necessarily mean he/she really loves you

The concept of love is difficult to define.Most of the times couples just break up as the partners simply realise that what they thought was love, was in the end only infatuation. When a guy tells you he is in love with you, he has to be able to say it to you while looking at you in your eyes.Depending on good a liar the guy is, even while looking at you in your eyes, he may be lying. Otherwise, this would have another meaning that he wants you which is a totally different story. Depending on the relationship you are looking for, this may be fine with you as well. In some cases, girls replace the guy especially when the guy is somewhat unexperienced. Take your time to know a guy/girl before going any further ahead.

Before versus After marriage

At times, prior to marriage, girls, like guys, have relationships. However, there is a major difference between the two as guys easily draw the line as to the seriousness of the relationship, while girls, for most of them, tend to grow in expectations. This as well needs to be interpreted on a case to case basis but has to be pointed out because the real loser here is the girl. The power game will depend on many factors with respect to what extent each partner is dependent on the other.

Conflict management

Guys very rarely admit being at fault as they tend to rationalize everything. Depending on the character of your partner, it is advisable to discuss issues in very subtle ways and not go unnecessarily for wars. Girls nowadays as well do tend to rationalize, though and this can lead to better understanding at times. If you have issues with a guy, you should discuss them with him.

If the partner refuses to discuss either he is sure of what he is doing or he is totally at fault and does not want to concede defeat. If you are convinced that you should discuss something with your boyfriend and that he is constantly avoiding you, this means that in his eyes there is no need to discuss or he does not care at all about what you think. These are 50/50 situations that should be carefully analysed prior to coming to any conclusion.

Quit if you have doubts

If you get to learn that your boyfriend is cheating on you or that you have strong doubts about him, better ask for a break or just put a full stop to the relationship. As soon as doubts crop up in your mind (be it boy or girl), it is the beginning of the end.This will avoid frustrations if ultimately you do get married. In fact, guys as well are jealous and possessive. If they are having an affair with a girl or more, they will still feel mad about being cheated by what can be called ‘the main partner’.

After some time in a relationship, men tend to detach. They ask themselves whether they are making the right choice, they think of all the alternatives foregone, of all the freedom they had before and assess whether the relationship weighs more or not. This is a difficult period in the relationship as the guy remains aloof and at times disappears. This is not a systematic and general issue but may happen in some cases.

Prior to marriage, there are big promises from both sides and concessions are easily made. However, after marriage, this rosy relationship just disappears and concessions are very difficultly agreed upon. Furthermore, living together is a totally different paradigm which has to be factored in prior to going for marriage.

Distance as a relationship destroyer...

This is not something specific to relationships prior to marriage but also occurs during marriage. As far as possible, long distance relationships are to be avoided. The risks, uncertainties, constraints and costs associated are as a general rule very rarely worth the bargain. Married couples find themselves in very difficult situations due to the fact that one partner find himself/or herself working abroad but when it comes to serious relationships before getting married, at times, while keeping in touch, it is better to agree, in principle that there is no binding agreement as regards the behaviour of each partner. Many guys if at 20000km away from their beloved in a country abroad will not feel much regret in going out with another woman when abroad. Agreeing that there is no rule and that the relationship is on hold during his absence is a relatively good deal for the girl as, if a girl is deeply in love, she will trust beyond any doubt her partner. The reverse is not always true. Some guys may be thinking that their partner is cheating them in their absence and then just do the worst of things without any remorse or second thought. Again here, this is only a scenario which only the partners can figure out its validity.Nevertheless, a high probability of separation due to distance is there and cannot be overlooked. Generally speaking, such long distance relationships are not advisable particularly for extended periods (>2 years).

The last piece of advice: Relationships are done, undone and at times done over again. Heartbreaks happen everyday but help in shaping the character of a person and preparing him/her for better and more mature relations. If you are not sure that the person really and sincerely loves you, you should play safe, especially when you sense that you are vulnerable. It is more easily said than done but one should not invest oneself totally in a relationship that very probably would ultimately end up in a break.

Major exceptions to the above rules

More and more girls are no longer the happy in playing the second fiddle to the man. They want to lead and work in higher positions, which is legitimate and in line with the trends across the globe. Such girls occupying higher positions tend to have the upperhand in their relationships and have more bargaining power as they are totally independent from the boy. At times, where the boy is weak, he is simply the ‘yes man’ ready to do whatever his girlfriend asks him to.

Last words...

After reading all this, you will surely be saying to yourself that most of it is not valid in your case, that these are mere stereotypes already known to all but these are just generalities which have been observed quite a few times. If your situation is different and that your relationship is all fine, may it continue for years and years!

If you have liked this article, you may forward the link to your friends on your social networks. Thank you for taking your time to read this long article.

Women no longer the weaker sex -The Changing Roles of Women in the Mauritian society - article on the occasion of the International Women day 2011- Women Agents of Change

Tue, 01 Mar 2011 18:03:53 GMT

NOTE: This is final draft version is still being finetuned. If you have comments send it to us on info@bouzermaurice.com or through the contact us link in the bottom menu. If you consider any information published here as being improper or incorrect please email us and we will do needful. Thank you.

International Women Day -100 years of Celebration

On the occasion of the international woman day, Bouzermaurice.com critically analyses the role of woman in society especially the Mauritian society. In the first instance some background information is provided regarding the march towards equality in the world and the origins of this special celebration day.

Background info

In France, country of human rights and liberties, the Constitution was amended only in 1946 to acknowledge the equality between men and women.

(Source : http://felina.pagesperso-orange.fr/doc/femm/datesfemmes.htm)

Article 2 of the Universal Declaration of Human Right, on 10 December 1948 (Source:un.org)

Everyone is entitled to all the rights and freedoms set forth in this Declaration, without distinction of any kind, such as race, colour, sex, language, religion, political or other opinion, national or social origin, property, birth or other status. Furthermore, no distinction shall be made on the basis of the political, jurisdictional or international status of the country or territory to which a person belongs, whether it be independent, trust, non-self-governing or under any other limitation of sovereignty.

The origins of the international women’s day

In 1910, Clara Zetkin, a German militant proposed the idea of a World Day of Women at the second International Conference of Socialist Women in Copenhagen. At that time, no specific date had been set for the event and it was only on 08.03.1945 that the Day of Women was celebrated in all socialist countries. The International Women’s day was made official by the United Nations in 1977, a day meant to celebrate women and to reflect made on the progress made by them in society as well as the avenues for further progress. In July 2010 ie a century after the idea was first put forward, the General Assembly of the United Nations created the UN Women the United Nations Entity for Gender Equality.

As stated on the www.unwomen.org website, the main roles of the organization are:

‘To support inter-governmental bodies, such as the Commission on the Status of Women, in their formulation of policies, global standards and norms.
To help Member States to implement these standards, standing ready to provide suitable technical and financial support to those countries that request it, and to forge effective partnerships with civil society.
To hold the UN system accountable for its own commitments on gender equality, including regular monitoring of system-wide progress (Source:UN Women website)

Grounded in the vision of equality enshrined in the UN Charter, UN Women, among other issues, works for the:

elimination of discrimination against women and girls;
empowerment of women; and
achievement of equality between women and men as partners and beneficiaries of development, human rights, humanitarian action and peace and security.’ (Source:UN Women website)

Definition of woman in the context of this article

In Mauritian law, the Interpretation and General Clauses Act was amended to define "child" and minor as "any unmarried child under the age of 18". Once a female child is married or aged above 18 she becomes a woman.

Some facts and figures about woman in our Mauritian society

As at end of 2010, the population of the Republic of Mauritius stood at 1,283,415 comprising 632,787 males and 650,628 females. There were 97.3 males for every 100 females.

As at 1 July 2010, there were 54,658 women aged 65+ as compared to 52,539 for the same period the previous year. There were 404,635 women aged between 20 and 64 years and 189,939 between 0 and 19 years old in July 2010.

According to CSO report, from March 2009 to March 2010,Employment in the General Government Sector increased by 1,075 from 72,872 (49,025 males and 23,847 females) to 73,947 (49,219 males and 24,728 females). Male employment increased by 194 while female employment increased by 881. Employment in large Export Oriented Enterprises (EOE) decreased by 483 from 57,107 (23,973 males and 33,134 females) to 56,624 (23,588 males and 33,036 females). The number of foreign workers increased by 1,290 from 19,902 (12,386 males and 7,516 females) to 21,192 (12,545 males and 8,647 females)

The Prime Minister during a speech on the occasion has provided some very pertinent figures:

13 of our Members of the Legislative Assembly (MLA) are women i.e only 18.7 per cent of MLAs.
8 women are judges representing 47.1 per cent of this category.
63.6 per cent of Magistrates are women
35 per cent of Permanent Secretaries are women
60 per cent of the unemployed people are women

A critical review of the modern role of the woman in Mauritius

Gone are the days when women used to play the second fiddle to men, with their rights being trampled upon quietly without the possibility of claiming their due or their rights. The society has evolved much to their benefit allowing them to play a more participative and active role at the highest levels. Much credit can be given in Mauritius to the Labour Party for bringing long awaited changes especially for instance by increasing representation of women in their party (through for instance at least one woman per constituency) and by assigning the role of vice president to a woman in the name of Mrs Monique Ohshan Bellepeau. This is clear evidence that the voice of women in our society is being heard and that gender discrimination is bound to crumble. Women had been contributing actively in the economy of the country as householders, to which no economic value has been assigned and which remains unaccounted for. This is part of the hidden economy. With enhanced rights and liberties, women are more and more moving out of the house to be a main player at all levels of society.

Sir Seewoosagur Ramgoolam was the first one to create a Ministry of Women in 1975 and had appointed Mrs Radha Poonoosamy as Minister.

In this section, the main roles of woman in family life are itemized as below:

· As the Grand mother

· As the Mother

· As the wife

· As a Daughter

These are basically the roles played by woman at family level. However, these roles are evolving as society evolves, and as globalization impacts the way of living of individuals.

The role of Grandmothers

If we go by the Thirukkural(a classic of couplets or Kurals (1330 rhyming Tamil couplets) or aphorisms celebrated by Tamils) one clear line states that having an elder in a family is an inestimable boon. Grandmothers can indeed play a pivotal role in a family provided that they are given due respect and the necessary support. They are the storehouse of family traditions and culture and transmit these to newer generations on the condition that the latter are prepared to learn from them. However, we see more and more that with the hectic pace of modern life, with more and more conflicts in the couples, the gradual phasing out of the extended family system, grandparents in a general manner are being left on their own. Their children and grand children do not consider them as a boon but as a burden. There are still many families where grandmothers still play an important role and are provided with the necessary support but the trend is not favourable to them. The positive side is that health services have much improved and that outings through associations are being organized. With free transport, they are also able to move more easily.

The role of mothers

Mothers are playing different roles at the same time in fact. The industrial revolution and the invention of machines and household equipment have eased their life and helped them gain time. However, life is more and more hectic and the exigencies of work are putting more and more pressure on them. With a cruel issue of shortage of reliable housewives in the country, many of women are finding it more and more difficult to play fully their role of mother as often career takes precedence on family life. This has a cost which cannot be evaluated in the short term. However, the upbringing of the child is at stake and it does suffer. With the slow death of extended family systems, the mothers no longer have the direct support of the grandmothers and have to rely on child care centres which are not necessarily as appropriate as a grandmother’s love and care. At the same time, women are more and more work centred while men have not altered their traditional role of bread earner. This tends to create quite a few issues in the family. Women working in such sectors as the hotel industry, the offshore sector or BPO sector are at times compelled to work long hours till night. Hence their role as the caring mother is pretty much put under pressure. One fact that can be noted and this is a personal observation, many women nowadays do not know how to cook while the contrary was previously the norm. This is in a sense altering the traditional role of woman which without any macho prejudice is a sad truth. Mothers usually were painted as the household manager, but with gender equality this is slowly disappearing. The issue is not really with the mothers but with the fathers who are not prepared to adjust with the changing society.

As a wife

Previously, women had to be content with taking care of the household tasks while men would go to work and hence be the bread winner. One would then qualify a wife as being good if she cooked well, took good care of the children and of the husband. Though this still exists in some families, access to education especially tertiary education has provided new pathways to women. In fact the pass rate of girls at HSC level and even at tertiary level are a clear indications that the female gender has ambitions and strives towards it. In Indian marriage, the question of dowry is no longer considered. Women are treated men’s equal nowadays.

Things at times turn out to be more difficult when the husband has been brought up with the image of his mother as being the model mother while his wife acts completely differently by not necessarily accepting without any question what the husband commands and by at times even earning higher salary.

This failure in adjusting to the evolving societal realities is indeed a major source of conflict. In fact, it is not surprising that divorce is increasing over the years. In 1975 there were 110 divorces, in 1995 there were 801, in 2005 there were 1133, in 2008 there were 1569 and in 2009 there was a huge leap in divorces which reached 2154.

As a daughter

The role of woman as a daughter varies with age. A girl (referring to the definition of woman for the purpose of this article mentioned earlier above) would play a different role as compared to a woman as a daughter. Another distinction to be made here is the married woman and the unmarried one as their duties are significantly different with respect to their role as daughters.

Daughters are the child of their parents for life. This is a divine, genetic and emotional bond that can difficultly be questioned. The evolution of society has, however had an impact on the way the role of the daughter is being performed. While previously, most girls were of significant support (moral, emotional and household wise) to their mothers, more and more girls in the Mauritian society seem to be content of letting parents do everything for them. This is especially true of some middle class families where parents had in their days gone through many hardships and sacrifice to make their way through life. The new world is one of easy material gain and parents seem to be at the beck and call of their children, not only girls but also boys. In fact, in the continuous race for better jobs and higher salaries, many parents do not have the time to really upbring their child properly, inculcating them the right manners, values and giving them a proper sense of direction. Since they are unable to cater for the emotional, spiritual or civic advancement of their children, they take refuge in the material transmission which is only a way of compensating for all their shortcomings as parents and to avoid to be overtly criticized by their children. Of course this is a generalization as many other generalizations in this article which has to be considered on a case to case basis. This trend however does not augur well for the future as it creates a sense of dependence of the child that extends well beyond the age of adulthood. This also explains why many young adults are in no hurry to get married since their parents are still there to take care of them. As compared to the occidental society, there is no obligation upon the new adult, especially as per oriental traditions to set up his own home. This is where at times parents find themselves ‘exploited’ by being too kind.

As compared to earlier days, with better transport and communications means, the married woman is more in touch with her parents and can serve them better.

Can we still speak of the weaker sex? Or women as change drivers

As one of the visitors of this website rightly pointed out, women go to work (at times at very senior positions), take care of their children, cook food, perform household tasks and still find time for their ‘hubbies’, yet they are being still called the weaker sex…This is the paradox of the new society. In fact, in Mauritius just like many other countries around the world women have proved to be real fighters not in the sense of waging war but fighters in society. Men have been sleeping on the laurels and it would be high time that they respond and adapt to the new social order.

Mauritian Creole Expressions-Expressions en Creole mauricien-Expresion Kreol Morisien

Tue, 01 Mar 2011 19:03:07 GMT

On va eviter ici les expressions dit injurieux – vous les connaissez deja -

Pour les debutants en Kreol ou Creole Mauricien il faut dire que le creole est tres proche du francais par ses mots et de l’anglais par sa syntaxe et sa grammaire.

Quelques expressions communs a savoir avant de debarquer a Maurice/A few expressions to know before coming to Mauritius -

Mo content toi: Je t'aime, I love you, te quiero

Bonzour! = Bonjour – Good morning – Buenos Dias -

Ki maniere = comment ca va? – How are you – Quetal

ou bien? = Allez vous bien?- Are you well? – Estas bien?

ranne moi sa – rend le moi – give it back to me - dame lo

li casse compter – il fout tout en l’air -

serier net – Super- Great -

ki couyonnade sa? – c koi ce bordel?

tire so manzer – fais lui en voir de toutes les couleurs

pas quitte li – s’accrocher

mete ar li – ne te laisse pas faire par lui

montrer li toi ki toi – montre lui qui t’es

manze r li – s’accrocher

Babye – Aurevoir – Bye!

Mo pe gagne faim – J’ai faim – Am hungry – Tengo ambre

Mo p al – Je vais – I am going to – Voy a

Zotte dall na pas pou cuit – Ils ne vont pas y arriver – They will not make it

Finne tombe dans carro canne – s’est retrouver dans un gouffre -

Pren nissa – Se moquer de – make fun of

mete nissa – mettre de l’ambiance

casse nissa – casser l’engouement/l’ambiance

fanne cakes – ne pas comporter correctement – not behaving properly

trente cinq(35) – copine – girlfriend

En place – Tout va bien (Contexte : Ki maniere? Reponse: en place)

D’apres sondaz ki monne gagner : d’apres l’information que jai recu

ene la creme sa: c’est quelqu’un de trop bien

casse conter: gacher le plaisir

fer le corps misere: ne pas se donner les moyen pour etre heureux ou etre dans un meilleur etat

zouer couk casiette: jouer a cache cache

manze coco ene dimoune: taquiner quelqu’un

donne li so packet: lui montrer de quel bois on se chauffe

rode so boute: rechercher son gain personnel

coz gras: parler de maniere grossiere

tire l’ail: chercher la petite bete

crack so la line: faire peur a quelqu’un

tom dehors: sortir pour se battre

gagne dimal: se faire mal

casse contour: utiliser les raccourci

avoye promener: laisse tomber

line fer moi reinter: il m’a donne du fil a retordre

travail p donne balle: il y a beaucoup a faire au boulot

tire so canette dans zouer: trouver une astuce pour ne pas se faire coincer

donne flan: donner de quoi a l’adversaire pour se faire pietiner

bef travay souval manzer: en d’autre mots il y a ceux qui passe sur la tete de ceux qui travaille et en recolte les benefice

fer toupi-ne plus savoir ou donner de la tete

ene laryaz- un nul

ti pipié lor gro lipié -

rissé poussé -

donne pied -

batt lakol -

batt lamok -

trouv simer lalimiere -

al frekenter - Sortir avec son/sa copain/copine

met lacord dan licou - se mettre la corde au cou

atan ek labouzi rouz - on peut toujour attendre (sarcastique-ironique)

ena lamort ladans - On peut y passer

laguerre cuma satt licien - se battre comme chien et chat

frekente licien gagne pice - C'est plutot un proverbe disant qu'on attrappe les mauvaises habitudes des autres a force de les frequenter

Sa ki li -

Sap lor kal-Perdre son sang froid

Mauritian jokes on the links below...don't forget to visit them...

Mauritian Jokes 6-10 Mauritian jokes 11-15 Mauritian Jokes 16-

Other Mauritian Jokes