One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT?? What was that?!" So she says the words that every husband on the planet Hates to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'll just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit.

We went onto the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled "WHAT??"

I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Joke no. 86

Trois beaux frères discutent entre eux.
Le premier lance : qu'est-ce que vous avez offert à la belle mère pour son anniversaire ?
L'un dit : moi je lui ai offert un collier en or, il est joli mais vous savez je gagne pas des cents et des milles alors. Je lui ai aussi offert une écharpe comme ça si elle aime pas le collier elle pourra le cacher.
Le second raconte la même histoire avec une montre et des gants pour la cacher.
Et le troisième dit : moi je lui ai offert des boucles d'oreilles et un preservatif. Pourquoi ? s'exclament les deux autres.
Parce que si elle est pas contente elle ira se faire enculer !!

Joke no. 87 L’effet du champagne sur la beaute

Un invité murmure à sa voisine de table :
- Le champagne vous rend jolie.
- Mais, je nen ai pas bu une seule coupe !
- Oui, mais moi jen suis à ma dixiéme.

Joke no. 88

Un type demande à un ami :
- Dis-moi, tu aimes les femmes qui ont les seins qui pendent ?
- Non... - Et celles qui sont pleines de cellulite ?
- Non plus !
- Celles qui ont des varices énormes ?
- Ah... Non !
- Celles qui sentent la transpiration et qui ont une mauvaise haleine ?
- Pouah, quelle horreur !
- Alors pourquoi tu couches avec la mienne ?

JOKE 89 : Preserve your health!!!

A lady walked up 2 a little old man rockin' in a chair on his porch n said; "i couldnt help but notice how happy u look, wats ur secret 4 a long n happy life?"
Man; "i smoke 3 packs a day, drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods n dun exercise." Lady; "wow! Tatz amazin'! How old r u?"
Man; "26."

Joke 90: Sixth sense

A Mom visits her son for dinner who lives with a girl roommate.

During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty his roommate was.

She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between him and his roommate than met the eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts, his son volunteered, “I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you,we are just roommates."

About a week later, his roommate came to him saying,

“Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver plate. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

He said ,"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure."

He sat down and wrote :

Dear Mother:
I'm not saying that you ‘did' take the silver plate from my house, I'm not saying that
you ‘did not' take the silver plate But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love,
your son.

Several days later, he received an email from his Mother which read:

Dear Son:
I'm not saying that you ‘do' sleep with your roommate, and I'm not saying that you ‘do not' sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the silver plate by now, under the pillow…

Love, Mom. ♥

Joke no. 91

Joke no. 92

An Organization is Like a Tree Full of Monkeys

An organization is like a tree full of monkeys...

all on different limbs,... at different levels,...

some climbing up.

The monkeys on the top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces.

The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes.

Joke no.93

Le père de David s'étonne de ne pas avoir encore reçu le bulletin scolaire
de son fils et lui en demande la raison :
- Et ton bulletin il est pas encore arrivé?
- Si, si mais je l'ai prêté a Paul pour qu'il fasse peur a son père !

Joke no 94

A woman was having sex in an apartment 20 floors high with another man. She then heard her husband coming.. She told her lover to stay like robot and not to move.

Husband: What is this?

Wife: This is a robot i bought to have sex with when you are traveling...

Husband: Okay.. Lets have sex now...

Wife: No sweetheart.. Yesterday i got my period, so i will go and make a cup of coffee for you..

After she left the husband said: Damn i am so horny, i will fuck this robot...

He tried fucking. The man started talking in a metallic robotic way..

"System error
Wrong hole
System error
Wrong hole.."

Husband: Damn robot is not working properly.. I am throwing it out of the window..

The lover realized that he was on the 20th floor he said:

"SOFTWARE UPDATED"
"PLEASE TRY AGAIN"

Joke no. 95

Short Jokes

1) If women ruled the world, there would be no wars, just a bunch of countries not speaking to each other.

2) Getting an argument with a woman is like being arrested coz anything that you say can and will be used against you.

3) Two men were changing in the locker room after a game of tennis. One notices the other one is putting on pair of stockings and suspenders. He says "When did you start wearing them?"

The other man replies "Since my wife found a pair on the back seat of the car."

Joke no. 96Try it if you are still single and aunts and uncles tease you…

My old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, “You’re next!”

After a while, I figured out how to stop them. I started doing the same thing to them at funerals!

Joke 97 : Ah ces hommes

Comment savoir si un homme a eu un orgasme?
- Il roule sur le côté et commence à ronfler.

Qu'est-ce que c'est, pour un homme, une soirée romantique?
- Un stade de foot illuminé aux chandelles

Joke 98 : Intelligent engineers

Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference.At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.”How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?” asks an accountant.”Watch and you’ll see,” answers an engineer. All of them board the train.The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, “Ticket, please.”The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.The accountants saw this and agreed it was a clever idea.So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money .When they get to the station they buy a single ticket for the return trip.To their astonishment, the engineers don’t buy a ticket at all.”How are you going to travel without a ticket?” says one perplexed accountant.”Watch and you’ll see,” answers an engineer.When they board the train the three accountants cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs.Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding.He knocks on the door and says, “Ticket, please.”

Joke no. 99 Secret de longevite

Un petit vieux de 95 ans. Un journaliste venu l'interroger :
- "Hé bien, mon brave monsieur, quel est le secret de votre longévité ?"
- "J'ai une vie bien réglée, moi monsieur. Le matin, à 6 h 00, je fais pipi. Vers 06 h 30, je fais caca."
- "Ha bon ? et ensuite ?"
- "Ben ensuite... je me lève."

Joke no. 100 Legless Parrot

A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, "I wonder what happened to this parrot?"

The parrot replies, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."

"WOW!" the guy exclaims. "You actually understood and answered me!"

"I got every word," says the parrot. "I happen to be a highly intelligent, thoroughly educated bird."

"Oh yeah?", the guy asks, "Then answer this. How do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"

"Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing but since you asked, I wrap my willie around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers."

"Wow" says the guy, "you really can understand and speak English, can't you!?"

"Actually, I speak both Spanish and English and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports,physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You really ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion."

The guy looks at the $200 price tag. "Sorry, but I just can't afford that."

"Pssssssst" says the parrot, "I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for $20, just make the guy an offer!"

The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot. Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humor, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful.

The guy is delighted. One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot goes "Psssssssssssst" and motions him over with one wing. "I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the postman."

"What are you talking about?" asks the guy. "When the postman delivered today, your wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black nighty and kissed him passionately."

"WHAT?!" the guy asks incredulously. "Then what happened?"

"Well, then the postman came into the house and lifted up her nighty and began petting her all over" reported the parrot.

"My God!" he exclaims. "Then what?"

"Then he lifted up the nighty, got down on his knees and began to lick her all over, starting with her breasts and slowly going down . . ."

"WELL???" demands the frantic guy, "THEN WHAT
HAPPENED?"

"Damned if I know! I got a hard-on and fell
off my perch!"

Joke no. 101

Santa's Dilemma

"Santa's Dilemma" A beautiful innocent young girl wants to meet Santa Claus so she puts on a robe and stays up late on Christmas Eve. Santa arrives, climbs down the chimney, and begins filling the socks. He is about to leave when the girl, who happens to be a gorgeous redhead, says in a sexy voice, "Oh Santa, please stay. Keep the chill away."

Santa replies, "HO HO HO, Gotta go, gotta go, Gotta get the presents to the children, you know."

The girl drops the robe to reveal a sexy bra and panties and says in an even sexier voice, "Oh Santa, don't run a mile; just stay for a while..."

Santa begins to sweat but replies, "HO HO HO, Gotta go, Gotta go. Gotta get the presents to the children, you know."

The girl takes off her bra and says, "Oh Santa... Please... Stay."

Santa wipes his brow but replies, "HO HO HO, Gotta go, Gotta go, gotta get the presents to the children, you know."

She loses the panties and says, "Oh Santa... Please... Stay...."

Santa, with sweat pouring off his brow, says, "HEY HEY HEY, Gotta stay, Gotta stay, Can't get up the chimney with my pecker this way!!!"

Joke no. 102

C’est l’histoire de deux jumeaux

C'est l'histoire de deux jumeaux, Robert et Richard. Robert était propriétaire d'une vieille barque. Par pure coïncidence, la femme de Richard est morte la même journée que la barque de Robert coula.
Quelques jours plus tard, une veille dame voit Robert et le méprend pour son frère Richard et la conversation s'engage:
- Je suis terriblement désolé, j'ai entendu parler de votre perte. Vous devez être atterré.
Robert pense que la veille dame parle de sa barque et dit:
- Je suis en fait content de m'en être enfin débarrassé. Elle était une veille chose pourrie déjà en partant. Elle avait le bas tout ratatiné et elle sentait le poisson mort. Elle perdait constamment son eau, elle avait une trou en arrière et aussi un gros trou en avant. A toutes les fois que je l'utilisais, son trou devenait de plus en plus grand et elle mouillait comme c'est pas possible. Je crois que ce qui l'a achevé, c'est quand je l'ai loué à ces quatre gars qui cherchaient quelque chose pour s'amuser. Je les avait averti quelle n'était pas très bonne, mais ils voulaient s'en servir quand même. Les crétins ont essayés d'y monter tous en même temps et elle a fendu en plein milieu.
La veille femme perdit connaissance.

Joke 103 EPIC STORY!

A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday.She spends $15,000 and feels pretty good about the results.

On her way home, she stops at a newsstand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?"
...
"About 32," is the reply. "Nope! I'm exactly 50," the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into Mc Donald's and asks the counter girl the very same question.

The girl replies, "I'd guess about 29. "The woman replies with a big smile, "Nope, I'm 50."

Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this burning question.

The clerk responds, "Oh, I'd say 30." Again she proudly responds, "I'm 50, but thank you!"

While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question.

He replies, "Lady, I'm 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young, there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then, and only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are."

They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the best of her. She finally blurts out, "What the hell, go ahead." He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.

After a couple of minutes of this, she says, "Okay, okay... How old am I?" He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, "Madam, you are 50 ".

"Stunned and amazed, the woman says, "That was incredible, how could you tell? "

The old man says, "Promise you won't get mad?"

"I promise I won't" she says.

"I was behind you at Mc Donald's."

Joke 104 : Facebook career

Teacher: What will you do after growing up?

Student: Facebooking

Teacher: NO! I mean what will you BECOME?

Student: Admin of facebook pages.

Teacher: OMG! I MEAN what will you ACHIEVE after you grow up?

Student: Facebook Admin Rights

Teacher: IDIOT! I MEAN what will you do for your PARENTS?

Student: I create a page for them on facebooK. 'I ♥ MOM & DAD'

Teacher: Stupid! What do your parents want from YOU?

Student: My facebook password!

Teacher: Oh God! What IS THE PURPOSE OF YOUR LIFE?

Student: Facebook but never face your books.

Joke 105:Doing Business

Dad: I want u 2 marry a girl of my choice.
Son: No
Dad: The girl is Bill Gate’s daughter. …
Son: then Ok.
Dad goes to Bill Gates.
Dad: I want your daughter to marry my son.
Bill Gates: No
Dad: My son is the CEO of the World Bank.
Bill Gates: Then ok
Dad goes 2 the President of the World Bank.
Dad:Appoint my son as the CEO of your bank.
President:No
Dad:He is the son-in-law of Bill Gates.
President: Then OK..

Joke 106 : An effective way of deterring drug addicts

Two young guys appear in court, arrested for smoking dope. Judge, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance instead of jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to convince others of the evils of drug use. I'll see you back in court Monday."

On Monday,

the judge asks the first guy, "Tell me what you did, young man?"

"Your honor, I persuaded 17 people to ...give up drugs forever." "Seventeen people? That's wonderful. How did you do it?"

"I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this:

O o

Then I told them that the big circle is your brain before drugs and the small circle is your brain after drugs." "That's admirable," says the judge.

He turns to the second guy. "And how were you, young man?"

"Well, your honor,

I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever."

"Remarkable feat -156 people? How did you manage to do that?" "Well, I used a similar diagram," the guy says. "I drew two circles like this:

o O

Then I pointed to the little circle and said,

'This is your asshole before Prison

Joke 107- Gargle

A young woman arrived to her doctor with black and blue signs of beating.

Doctor, "What happened?"

Woman, "Doctor, I do not know what to do, whenever my husband comes home drunk he
beats the hell out of me, almost killing me."

Doctor, "I have a really good medication for it. When your husband comes home drunk you just take a glass of Green tea and
start to gargle and gargle, as much as you can do ...... and that's all you have to do"

Two weeks later the woman returns to the doctor reborn and with a grateful look in her eyes ..

Woman, "Doctor, that was a brilliant medicine! Every time my husband came home drunk, I gargled and gargled with Green tea and nothing happened! He Has gone straight to bed."

Doctor, "You see how it helps to keep your mouth shut?"

Joke 108

Dieu ordonna à David de guetter... et David Guetta !
Dieu ordonna a Hélène de s'égarer... et Hélène Ségara !
Dieu ordonna à Thierry d'en rire... et Thierry Henry !
Dieu ordonna à Fatou de mater... et Fatou Matta !
Dieu ordonna à Bruce de lire... et Bruce Lee !
... Dieu ordonna au Coca de coller... et le Coca Cola !
Dieu ordonna à Mouss de taffer ...et Mousstafa !
il demanda à Mme Sarkozy de bronzer et ......Carla Bruni !!!
Dieu ordonna à un Castor de ramer... et Castorama
Dieu dit à Katy de mourir... et Katy Perry
Dieu ordonna à Mara de donner... et Maradona
Dieu ordonna au chaud de coller... et le chocolat
Dieu a dit : "ton petit lira"... et le petit Lu
Un jour, Dieu dit à Lustu de croire,... et Lustucru
Dieu ordonna que le riz colle... et le Ricola
Un jour, Dieu demanda à Jack de sonner à la porte...depuis jackson....
Un jour, Dieu demanda à Hugo de bosser et depuis, Hugo boss.
Dieu sema le blé, et Marc Lavoine !
Dieu ordonna à Rex de sonner... Et Rexona !
En 1903, Dieu interdit aux Gendarmes d'être tristes ...et depuis la Gendarmeri

Joke no. 109

Girl: You remind me of the sea.

Boy: Why? Because I'm so wild and romantic?

Girl: No. You make me sick.

Joke 110 : Le bon gendre

Après avoir fréquenté ma fiancé pendant un an, nous avons décidé de nous marier le mois prochain. La mère de ma fiancée, ma future belle-mère est géniale et très sexy. Elle s'est occupée tout seule de tous les préparatifs : mariage, église, musique, photographe, dîner, fleurs, etc. Hier elle m'a appelé pour me demander de passer chez elle pour revoir la liste des invités et y retirer quelques personnes de ma famille car le total dépassait nos prévisions. Quand je suis arrivé, nous avons revu la liste et avons finalement obtenu un total de 150 invités. C'est là qu'elle me laisse bouche bée et me dit qu'elle me trouve être un homme très attirant, que dans un mois je serais marié et que plus rien ne sera possible après ça, et donc qu'elle souhaiterait qu'on fasse l'amour. comme des bêtes. C'est alors qu'elle se lève, se dirige sensuellement vers la chambre à coucher et me susurre à l'oreille que je savais très bien où se trouve la porte de sortie, si je décidais de partir. Je suis resté debout immobile, excité, gelé, excité, pendant au moins 3 minutes et finalement j'ai décidé que je savais parfaitement quel chemin j'allais prendre. Je me suis dirigé en courant vers la porte de sortie, je suis sorti, et dehors je vois appuyé contre le capot de ma voiture son mari souriant. Je crois me rappeler ce qu'il m'a dit : qu'ils voulaient seulement s'assurer que leur chère fille allait bien épouser un homme bien éduqué et honnête, et
ils ont pensé que me tester de cette façon serait une épreuve, que j'ai brillamment passée. Puis il m'embrasse sans que je puisse dire quoi que ce soit, tellement
j'étais perturbé par tant d'émotions, puis il m'a félicité.

Conclusion :
Heureusement que j'avais mes capotes dans la voiture, parce que si elles avaient été dans ma poche ...

Joke 111: Apples

Teacher jokes

"Simon, if I had eight apples in my right hand and ten apples in my left hand, what would I have?”

“Huge hands, sir.”

Joke 112: Direct object

In a grammar lesson in eighth grade Mrs. O’Neill said, “Paul, give me a sentence with a direct object.”

Paul replied. “Everyone thinks you are the best teacher in the school.”
“Thank you, Paul,” responded Mrs. O’Neill, “but what is the object?”

“To get the best mark possible,” said Paul

Joke 113:Poodle

Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle. The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time. The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return. Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them “The first one who can use the words “liver” and “cheese” together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me.” The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says “I love liver and cheese.” “Oh, how childish,” said the Poodle. “That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever.” She turned to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and said “How well can you do?” “Ummmm...I HATE liver and cheese,” blurts the Golden Retriever. “My, my,” said the Poodle. “I guess it’s hopeless. That’s just as dumb as the Lab’s sentence.” She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, “How about you, little guy?” The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in fame and finesse, is the Taco Bell chihuahua. He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says...
“Liver alone. Cheese mine.”

Joke 114:Parrot

So there's this man with a parrot. And his parrot swears like a sailor, I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself.
The trouble is that the guy who owns the parrot is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy.
One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!" But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever.

Then the guy gets mad and says, "That's it. I'll get you." and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet.

This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of invective that would make a veteran sailor blush.

At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer.
For the first few seconds, there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly goes very quiet.

At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he's so worried that he opens up the freezer door.

The bird calmly climbs onto the man's outstretched arm and says, "Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on."

The man is astounded. He can't understand the transformation that has come over the parrot.

Then the parrot says, "By the way, what did the chicken do?"

Joke 116:Crossing the river

Three men wanted to cross a river. They had no idea how to cross it, so one man knelt down on his knees and prayed "Lord give me the power and strength the cross the river." suddenly the man became very strong and swam across the river. The next man thought: if it worked for him, it'll work for me. So he knelt down and prayed "Lord give the skills and the strength to cross the river." the man built a canoe and rowed himself across the river. The last man thought: if it worked for both of them, I know it'll work for me. So he also knelt down and prayed "Lord give me the wisdom and knowledge to cross the river." He turned into a woman and walked across the bridge.

Joke 117:Men vs Women

A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.
"House" for instance, is feminine: "la casa."

"Pencil," however, is masculine: "el lapiz."

A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?"

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun.

Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.
The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computadora") because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine ("el computador") because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on.

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves.

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time, they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
The women won.

Joke 118:Can I stay here?

The doorbell rang this morning. When I opened the door there was my mother-in-law on the front step.

She said: “Can I stay here for a few days?”

I said: “Of course you can.” And shut the door in her face.

Joke 119:C’est laquelle?

Un gars a décidé de se marier, mais avant de faire sa demande il veut en parler à sa mère...

- Tu sais Maman, j'ai rencontré une fille superbe, je voudrais l'épouser mais j'aimerais quand même que tu la rencontres avant.

- Oui, si tu veux mon fils " dit la mère.

- Voilà ce qu'on va faire, samedi prochain, je vais venir avec trois copines. Une d'elle est la femme que j'aime. Je ne te dis pas laquelle et on en parle après, d'accord ?

- Oui, si tu veux mon fils, dit la mère. Samedi arrive et il vient avec ses trois copines toutes belles, intelligentes etc. Le dîner se passe, les filles partent.
- Alors Maman, est-ce que tu penses avoir trouvé laquelle est la femme de ma vie ?

Et la mère répond...

- Ce ne serait pas celle qui avait la robe bleue ?

Il est stupéfait de sa réponse...

- C'est bien elle. Mais comment as-tu fait ? Elles sont toutes les trois superbes, gentilles, etc... Comment as-tu fait pour l'identifier tout de suite ?

Et la mère répond...

- J'sais pas... J'l'aime pas !

Joke 120

Boy: You are the funniest and the most beautiful girl I have ever seen.

Girl: Huh! You are saying all this b'cas u just wanna f*** me.

Boy: WoW! you are the smartest too!!!

Joke 121

LEVELS OF STRESS :

You're a guy...you pick up a cute gal somewhere...she faints in your car.You rush her to the hospital.

(Now,that's stressful.)

At the hospital,they say she's pregnant and you're going to be a father.You say it can't be,but the gal insists you're the father.

(Now,its getting very stressful)

So,you suggest a DNA test.After the tests,the doc says you're infertile and probably have been since birth.

(Now,you're extremely stressed...but relieved.)

On your way out the hospital...you start thinking about the three kids you have at home.

(Now,that's STRESS.)

Joke 122

An Indian girl married a Spanish guy and went to Spain. Since she didn't know Spanish, if she wanted to buy a chicken leg piece, she would lift her skirt and show her leg to the shopkeeper.

One day, she wanted to buy bananas. So she took her husband with her to the shop. Do you know why?

Because he speak Spanish! (^_^)

But I like the way you think :D

Joke 123

1. From star college in Mauritius, grammar teacher:
"The girl goes to school, goesn't she?"

2. From a State Secondary school (Girls College) in Mauritius,
teacher:"Both of you three come here!."

3. An irritated State Secondary School teacher to a student:
"Tomorrow I want you to come with your father, your mother and both of your parents!" .

4. On seeing twins enter his office, the Deputy rector of the Star school of Mauritius said:
"You look together; are you twice, who is copying who?"

5. Notice at a store in PORT-LOUIS:
"Open seven days a week and weekends"

6. two boys from a SSS were arguing:
teacher : "Don't speak so twice together, man, Speak once upon a time!"

7. My favourite remains what a rector once said:
"I would rather kill myself than commit suicide"

Joke 124

Mar 3, 2012

Comments

Comment Author tro bon les joke / Apr 28, 2012

non mais d'ou vous sortez c turc la mais franchement ils sont tro bonne

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