Further to the three articles namely regarding the International Day of Women and theDo’s and Don’ts before marriage and Divorce on the Rise in Mauritius all three highly visited articles, it had been considered appropriate to pursue the analysis on the societal trends regarding men and women relationships. The following analysis of the causes of divorce in Mauritius is based on observations made here and there. This article has no scientific basis and tends to generalize things though the generalizations have been formulated in a logical manner.

Even if a Civil marriage is only a legal bonding, a marriage has in general a sacred nature in Mauritius, it is a vow in front of God that for the better and for the worse they will be together. However, the respect for this divine bond is withering over time just like the love in a couple just withers over time. Deciding to go for divorce is not an easy one and has to be reconsidered at least three times with due assessment of the implications of such a decision.

Divorces occur for various reasons. As a matter of fact, the sudden increase in divorces in Mauritius from 2008 to 2009 was mainly the result of a new legislation passed to allow divorces based on mutual agreement which was not the case previously. Cabinet has agreed on 26 March 2009, in line with Law Reform Commission [LRC] recommendations, to simplifying law on divorce proceedings and allowing divorce by mutual consent.

However, we should be aware that divorces are generally on the increase and some of the potential reasons are as follows:

Increased liberty of women and frustrated men. Mauritius is evolving and women’s role in society is changing as well. Both partners are now breadwinners in the family. The women are little by little quitting her traditional role of mother and housewife for that of the modern mother and wife. The transition is difficult for the family as a whole and especially for the husband. The mentality of women as well is changing and laws protect their rights better now. By being sources of income as well, women who do work can sustain a family on their own, hence even if the issue of divorce is raised they are better prepared to deal with it. Men are finding it difficultly acceptable that their status and position are being shaken at their very roots as society moves from a basically patriarchal one to an egalitarian one. Indeed, previously, whatever the husband asked to his wife was word of God and abided by. Many guys still think that their wife will be the carbon copy of their idealized mothers…their dreams are quickly shattered. The pace of changes has been such that adaptation has not followed suit. Many women expect their husbands to be independent and build a new home for them which is legitimate but at the same time many husbands still feel it is their duty to take care of their parents especially if only one widowed parent remains. This is at times hard to accept for the wife.
Increase in the number of mixed marriages without due regard to major differences between the cultures. Though Mauritius is a multicultural society, mixed marriages are only recently being accepted. The difference between cultures as well as the resistance of parents can definitely be source of conflict in the couple which had married by being blinded by love.
Unclear rules. Rules of the wedded life not clearly discussed and agreed upon prior to marriage like who will be responsible for household chores? Whether the wife or the husband would have to change jobs to play their role fully etc.
People change with time. The earlier a person gets married, the more likely he/she will change over time both in terms of behavior and objectives. This is why it is better to get married around the age of 28, by which time the partners would have had a glimpse of what relationships are all about
Domestic violence – In fact, it is one of the main causes for divorce and legitimately so though a few parents prefer to bear the burden of a dead relationship for the sake of their child.
A breakdown in communication. This is also a major reason for divorce. The partners do not share their feelings and issues vis a vis each other. This just builds up until it bursts. Then it is too late. Partners should learn to vent out their issues in the proper civilized manner and by demonstrating maturity. Conflict management is therefore essential. Distance can lead to the breakdown in communication and should be considered as a major obstacle and as we say ‘loin des yeux, loin du coeur’. Why remain married if we are not together and that both run the risk of being cheated?
No proper planning prior to marriage and the pursuit of selfish ends. Rushing into marriage without having understood and accepted each other’s behavioural patterns and without having lived together at all can lead to a quick divorce. In the Mauritian society and especially in the Asiatic community, the issue of living together is taboo. ‘Concubinage’ is not yet in the mores. Usually and maybe ideally at least two years of living together provides a clear idea on the compatibility. The parental pressure leading to a rush in the marriage may ultimately lead to a divorce. The other problem is that at times marriage is only for convenience, a way of saying that I am attractive enough to get married or just to reassure parents. In such cases, the bond in the couple can be very weak and the marriage can break any time as the partners do not really care for it as such and behave at times without due regard for each other’s feelings. The ability to make concessions on either side will in these cases have a very determining role as regards the duration of the marriage.
More prior experience before marriage allowing to better assess their married life. Nowadays, both boys and girls are more often exposed to heartbreaks and relations prior to marriage which was not necessarily the case of previous generations. On the positive side, this gives them a better indication as to whether their married life is on the right track or not and if not they are in a better position to make necessary adjustments. On the negative side though, at times their past just follows them in that former boyfriends and girlfriends may appear again and can wreck havoc on the wedded couple.
The partner is gay – even though this can make some smile, this is something which is not that rare and when this happens, the hetero sexual partner is frustrated both emotionally and physically and may request a divorce.
More temptation everywhere and increased infidelity - Social networks like Facebook, MSN etc and mobile technologies have come as a real blow to many couples. With increased freedoms, infidelity is gaining ground hence at times leading to divorce. Partners have to be on the lookout to ensure that they are not being cheated.

This list is by no means exhaustive and is not given by order of importance. Its intent is just to guard those who intend to get married to better assess whether all these issues have been given due consideration and therefore has to be carefully interpreted. Sincerity, open mindedness, clear communication, ability to make concessions, maturity and true love are the very foundations of a successful couple, failing which some serious issues can be foreseen in the medium term.

Mar 14, 2011

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